October is National Bullying Prevention Awareness Month, and in
recent years the issue of bullying has finally grabbed the notice and
urgency of parents, school administrators, and the media. Bullying is a
ripple effect that if not addressed, can affect not just the many
children and teens going through it, but also their parents and their
school. Pre-teens and teens who are bullied at school or online often
don't tell their parents or other adults what is happening because they
find it embarrassing, and believe that telling will just make it worse
for themselves at school among their peers by being labeled a "snitch".
Signs that parents and teachers should keep an eye out for as signs of
bullying that often go under the radar can include:
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Avoiding school or group gatherings including lunch and recess
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Going straight to class rather than hanging out with friends during breaks between classes
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Withdrawing from family, friends, and things they enjoy.
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Worrying about social situations like school dances, and any after school activities
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A sudden drop in grades
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Changes in sleeping, appetite, or mood that shows in acting out of anger at home.
Any of the symptoms listed above could be mistaken by a
parent as teen angst and moodiness. Parents often hope that their
children will learn and build strength or character from setbacks in
life, but it may not be as simple if they have low self-esteem. After
all junior high and high school is often filled with social rejection
and ever-changing relationships among friends and others. If we stop to
think on this for a bit, we find that being harassed by someone who is
looking for conflict is one of the most uncomfortable things we can
experience in school. There are a number of different factors that can
result in a pre-teen or teen having low self-esteem and struggling to
overcome bullying. Along with recognizing the symptoms of bullying that
slip under the radar, there are steps parents can take in helping their
pre-teens and teens to develop confidence and the resilience to overcome
bullying.
1. Measuring Up
Often
our self-esteem is shaped in part due to messages we grow up with.
Parents who reflect on their child's upbringing may uncover some
potential factors such as how parenting, family relationships, and
cultural values and beliefs may have shaped their self-esteem. When
children don't feel like they measure up to what is expected of them by
themselves or others, it results in their adopting a negative perception
of themselves from not being what they think they need or should be.
Raising awareness of this can help pre-teens and teens begin to
determine and distinguish what and how they value and measure their
self-worth. It's important for parents to be mindful how they react, and
try not overreact when their teen doesn't meet certain expectations,
such as grade slipping. Many teens interpret their parent's reaction of
disappointment as rejection. Parents sadly realize that their reaction
to poor grades have been interpreted as: "you will only accept me if I
get good grades in school".
2. Talk It Out
Start
a discussion about how to deal with setbacks. Whether a parent draws
from their own experiences or uses stories of bullying ripped from the
headlines in the news or social media. Talking about real life
experiences is effective in shining a light on how pre-teens or teens
perceives bullying and themselves in relation to how they deal with
different types of setbacks in their lives.
3. Connecting with a Professional
Therapy
gives pre-teens and teens the opportunity to process what their beliefs
about themselves are and to challenge and test self-sabotaging
thoughts. Therapy can also help teach mindfulness exercises that can
help to recognize how they respond physically to situations with high
anxiety and practice being in the moment while maintaining a sense of
calm. Doing work in therapy can help students who struggle with being
bullied in learning strategies to cope with and change the outcome of
harsh social cliques and awkward situations. Students who even do well
in school can benefit from therapy by learning how to embrace even the
most difficult of challenges.
"Knowing yourself is the beginning of wisdom." ~ Aristotle
As
human beings we are born with the potential for resilience to overcome
obstacles in our lives along with the desire to connect with those
around us. Parents can help their children by recognizing the symptoms
of bullying and actively listening to how their pre-teen or teen views
setbacks. While pre-teens and teens can become stuck feeling hopeless in
overcoming shame and humiliation of being bullied or with a pattern of
negative thinking that can come with low self-esteem, there is always
hope that it can (and will) get better when they have support from their
parents, and the opportunity to look within and develop a healthy sense
of self.